The 2000-Year-Old Virgin

The 2000-Year-Old Virgin is the fifth Christmas episode of Family Guy.

Plot
On a trip to the Quahog Mall before Christmas, Peter and Lois bump into Jesus and discover that he is still hanging around Quahog due to not being entirely comfortable dealing with his own home life with God. Jesus invites Peter over to his place. However, since it is a depressing bachelor apartment, Peter invites him out with Glenn Quagmire, Cleveland Brown, and Joe Swanson to have a drink. At the Drunken Clam, they start to plan a birthday party and Jesus tells them that he has never had sex: to make his birthday special, they promise to help him lose his virginity. Their attempts to achieve this fail, upsetting Peter. Lois tries to find out what Jesus likes, but her nice manners cause him to want to sleep with her. Approaching Peter about his issue to help him, Peter is shocked but agrees to help when Jesus promises him an expensive massage chair in return for sleeping with Lois. He lets Lois know about Jesus' interest in her and she reluctantly agrees.

As they head out together, Peter enjoys his chair at the Drunken Clam. During this time, Peter has a fantasy of Lois and Jesus having sex and has second thoughts. These are confirmed when other members of the bar confirm that Jesus is not a virgin, but pulls this annual stunt every Christmas to have sex with people's wives. Peter tries multiple ways to get to their liaison to stop things. Peter rushes to the room to find that no cheating took place as Lois decided that their marriage was too good. Jesus applauds their “lesson”, making the excuse that he concocted this charade as a tale of resisting temptation, and leaves them to celebrate their Christmas.

On Christmas Day, Rupert gives Stewie a Joni Mitchell CD for Christmas, disappointing him because Stewie had observed Rupert picking out a heart-shaped necklace. As Stewie tearfully listens to "Both Sides, Now" on the CD, he wonders whom the necklace was for, and it is revealed to be for Mayor Adam West.