Capn' Cragg: Who's the most fearsome swashbuckler to ever buckle a swah?
— Before the Song
"The Nefarious Capn' Cragg" (or "Capn' Cragg's Pirate Song") is the song featured in 2004's In Search of SANTA. It is performed when Royal Penguin Princesses Crystal & Lucinda, along with their newly-found friend Pup, was shocked by the introduction of Capn' Cragg while they aborad his ship, the "Blubber Belly", with his first mates Bubkus Bill and Timebomb Tom. The variation of the traditional "Sailor's Hornpipe", composed in 1798 by British musician J. Dale, proceeds the song.
Crystal, Lucy and Pup are shocked while Capn' Cragg sings about himself. Bubkus Bill plays the accordion, while he & Timebomb Tom provide the backup vocals.
While Cragg sings, two cutaways of him doing bad habits are included:
- At the dentist, Cragg opens his mouth with his stinky breath for the male hygienist. The hygienist screams as he smells his breath.
- At the hill, there is a female baby who is licking a pink-white swirled lolipop, with colorful sprinkles, in a baby stroller. Cragg takes the lolipop and bites it, leaving it with only the stick, making the baby strangely dispressed.
Later in the movie, a very short, instrumental reprise of the song's last two verses is heard when the "Pirates" leave Santa's City in the North Pole, carrying their gifts along.
Italics - Speaking parts/Offscreen singing (Applied to the visual cutaways)
Capn' Cragg: Who's the saltiest,
who plungers all
Who never says: "Thank ye,
Bubkus Bill: (sneezes with a "Ahchoo!")
Cragg: ...or "gesundheit"
when you sneeze?
Timebomb Tom: Uh, ga-hoo?
Cragg: Who's the ugliest,
and so fearsome
The king of all
Who's that tusky
tank of terror,
Bill & Tom: He's known to boast
and the brag
Cragg (Breaking the Fourth Wall): Ah lads, you know me too.
Who's got a bite
wise than his bark,
and a chronic
case of rabies?
than a shark,
and steels candy
from cute babies
to be trusted
He's a dirty,
Without him all
Bill & Tom: He's a fiendish
Cragg: One more time.
Bill & Tom: He's a stinking
Cragg: (pushes Bubkus & Timebomb away) Haha, that's me.
Well, what shall we do to them, lads?
Uh, I know…
Let's have a tea party.
Why not put 'em to work, Cap'n?
Deck needs swabbing.
Sails need mending.
Grub needs cooking.
I'd rather walk the prank.
We'll do it… if you'll take us to the North Pole.
What are you…?
Don't bargain with these barbarians.
These pirates are ruthless.
Uh, that is true.
We are utterly without ruths.
But how else will we find Santa Claus?
[Bill laughs, with Tom joining shortly.
Bill grabs Tom]
Um, what would like for Christmas, little boy?
Oh, more TNT. Ka-boom!
Oh!… And tea service for six, please.
Now see here. I am a royal penguin princess,…
and I command to you to release us… this instant.
[That night, Cragg throws the princesses, and their seal pup from Tom, into the brig.]
This can't be good.
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