"If I Can't Have Christmas" is a song sung by Cricket Green in the Big City Greens episode "Green Christmas". After a failed attempt to convince the mall Santa to put him on the nice list, Cricket decides that if he can't have a merry Christmas, then he's going to ruin the holiday for everyone else in Big City.
I tried my best at helping folks,
But I've run out of time.
My nice list hopes, gone up in smoke
As bells of judgement chime.
I see now that I'm doomed.
My gift-wrapped ship has sank.
So I shall resume my Christmas pranks!
I'll trip up this dip, I'll make this guy slide!
Don’t bother me, cause I’m fresh out of pride!
I’ll hand out free candy,
Bestow loads of cocoa.
You'll wonder out load how could I stoop so low!
It's a simple fact, a secret I'll spill.
If I can’t have Christmas, nobody will!
I'll throw all my snowballs with impunity,
Advance avalanches on the community,
And make folks obey them.
This season's colors are mischief and mayhem,
Toboggans on noggins and butts fulla nuts,
Snowmen I stabbed in their tinselstring guts,
Displays in dismay and socks spouting trout!
If you don't get it yet,
Then let me spell it out,
Being nice is a bore and naughty's a thrill,
If I can't have Christmas, nobody will!