"Marley and Marley" is a song featured in The Muppet Christmas Carol. It is performed by the ghosts of Jacob and Robert Marley (portrayed by Statler and Waldorf, respectively). Although classified as a villain song, it is more a warning to Scrooge, where the singers tell of the consequences of their wrongdoing and tell Scrooge he will be doomed alongside them unless he realizes his own wrongdoing.
Lyrics
[Lyrics heard only on the album version]
Jacob: It is required of every man
That the spirit within him should walk abroad his fellow men
Robert: And if that spirit goes not forth in life,
He is condemned to do so after death!
Jacob: To witness what he cannot share,
But might have shared and turned to happiness.
Both: We're Marley and Marley,
Averious and greed.
Jacob: We took advantage of the poor,
Just ignored the needy
Both: We specialized in causing pain,
Spreading fear and doubt.
Robert: And if you could not pay the rent,
We simply threw you out!
[Speech]
There was the year we evicted the entire orphanage.
Jacob: I remember the little tykes all standing in the snow bank.
Robert: With their little frost-bitten teddy bears!
Both: We're Marley and Marley,
Our hearts were painted black.
Jacob: We should have known our evil deeds
Would put us both in shackles.
Both: Captive, bound, we're double-ironed,
Exhausted by the weight.
Jacob: As freedom comes from giving love,
Robert: So, prison comes with hate.
Both: We're Marley and Marley, whooooooa.
We're Marley and Marley, whooooooa.
[Speech]
Scrooge: But my friends, you were not unfeeling towards your fellow men.
Robert: True, there was something about mankind we loved.
Jacob: I think it was their money!
Both: Doomed, Scrooge! You're doomed for all time.
Robert: Your future is a horror story, written by your crime.
Both: Your chains are forged, by what you say and do.
Money boxes: So, have your fun; when life is done, a nightmare waits for you.
[Speech]
Scrooge: Why these terrible chains?
Robert: Oooooh, the chains.
Jacob: We forged these chains in life by our acts of greed.
Robert: You wear such a chain yourself.
Scrooge: Humbug! Speak comfort to me, friends.
Robert: You will be haunted by three spirits,
Scrooge: Haunted? I've already had enough of that.
Jacob: Without these visits you can not hope to avoid the past we tred.
Robert: Expect the first ghost tonight, when the bell tolls one!
Scrooge: Can't I meet them all at once and get it over with?
Jacob: When the bell tolls one!
Both: We're Marley and Marley, whoooooa.
We're Marley and Marley, whoooooa.
[Lyrics heard only on the album version]
We're Marley and Marley,
And now it's time to part
To go back where they keep our kind,
The wretched and the heartless
The news we've shared has got you scared
We're glad that we got through
So make amends (and make some friends!)
The future's up to you!
We're Marley and Marley, whoooooa.
We're Marley and Marley, whoooooa.
We're Marley and Marley, whoooooa.
Change!